hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
