You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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