You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
