marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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