Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
