I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
