I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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