Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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