every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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