mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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