Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
