Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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