I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
