I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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