I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize