We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
