So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
