I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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