just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
