using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She needs sedatives and a leash
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize