I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
