Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
These tits shall not be calmed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
