My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how can u be prego again
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
