I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
