I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
