I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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