So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
