I just saw a hot homeless man
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
