I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
