there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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