I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
