3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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