dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
