are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
