I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
