yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
