Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
