I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
