I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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