i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
