Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wear drunk well.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
