Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
