I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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