Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
