OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
