Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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