btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
