I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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