nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
