would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
