DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
