I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
COCAINE IS GR8
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
