so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
