Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
