Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
