oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
