IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
