Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
