Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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