I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
