Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
