Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize