Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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