id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
