Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
