Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
