I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
