Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
