So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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