You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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