I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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