I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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