He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
