how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
