THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
