I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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