Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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