It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
