I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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